Work-Life Balance, It's not What You Think

It's what you do.

When I first heard the term "work-life" balance about 20 years ago, I was a full-time, professional, stay-at-home mom. I took about 10 years out of the private sector to be head manager, chief cook-and-bottle-washer, financial guru, and number one volunteer for the Manners Family. I thoroughly loved that part of my life and used the time to keep up with my project managing skills by being a volunteer event-coordinator for several not-for-profit entities. At the time, I assumed it meant that you worked for half of the time, then you stopped and lived your life for an equal amount of time. It sounded great to me because when you're a stay-at-home mom, you're "at work" ALL the time! After re-entering the workforce, I have come to a new understanding.

A wise friend of mine once said, "I don't want to be miserable, but I don't have to actually be happy at work. I work so that I can be happy at life when I'm not at work!" She had a career that was neatly compartmentalized into a typical 9-5 workday. After much reflection on how I could change my job so that I had a life outside of work, I realized I had to actually change jobs if I wanted a life outside of work! Work-life balance is not about giving equal time to work and to life, but giving equal value to the time spent at work and at life.

I have the biggest crush on my husband. We've been married for 30 years, and still, when he walks in the room, my heart gives a flutter. As we are now in the middle of our careers, I want to spend more time with him. Early in his career in the videogame industry, he would pull all-nighters, come home and sleep for a few hours, then go back to work to start again. That would last for several weeks until the game shipped and then we'd have about eight months of regular 10-6 workdays. We called it "crunch-time" and as a couple, we developed strategies to create a peaceful household where we could eat, sleep, and have clean laundry. When I went back to work, my job was non-stop "crunch-time" for ten months! That takes a toll on a partnership and I'm so grateful to my husband who did much more than his fair share around the house.

Work-life balance is not about an equal share of time, it's about valuing the time you spend at work and living life. For me, work-life balance looks like having coffee in the morning with my husband, not creeping silently out of the house at 6:45am so I don't wake everyone up. Work-life balance means that I enjoy volunteering at a time and place of my choosing. Work-life balance means that I get to close the door on work at a reasonable time and not open it again until the next day. Work-life balance means I get to go to the dentist, or the doctor when I need to without adding two to three extra hours onto my workload. Work-life balance means that occassionally, I can choose to devote some extra time to do work for a special project or to help a colleague. Work-life balance means that I have work, and I have a life, and each has due importance.

My philosophy has always been work hard, play hard. When I'm at work, I'm totally focused on the people and projects at hand. My personal phone is off and my brain is on. I bring my "A-game" all day, every day. And then I want to be able to stop working.

The thought occurs to me that work-life balance has something to do with not worrying about losing your life while you're at work, but that's an entirely different blog post.

As I write this blog entry, it's a cold and bright Saturday in early March. My husband is in his favorite chair writing a chapter for his next novel. I'm contemplating what I might do with the extra 20 hours a week I hope to find when I get a position that supports a real work-life balance.